


I, The Puppet

by axayashinoceres



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 20:05:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5018587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axayashinoceres/pseuds/axayashinoceres
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired from the music titled, Self-Inflicted Achromatic.</p><p>Lelouch thinks over his actions that brought him to the final point for which the finale is his death. And everything becomes achromatic as the hour tolls, coming closer and closer to tomorrow.</p><p>And Suzaku who finds him and wishes that he too will no longer see the colors of life.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>Where someone like me being alive (konna boku ga ikiteru dake de)</i><br/>Brings sadness to tens of thousands of people (nan mannin no hito ga kanashin de)<br/>And no one wants me: (dare mo boku wo nozomanai)<br/>I wish that's the kind of world it was. (sonna sekai dattara ii no ni na)<br/>If by just wiping me away (konna boku ga kiechau dake de)<br/>Hundreds of millions of people rejoiced (nan okunin no hito ga yorokonde)<br/>And no one held hatred for anything (dare mo nani mo nikumanai nara)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I, The Puppet

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Code Geass is a work of painful genius by CLAMP. And so is the song, Self-Inflicted Achromatic.
> 
> I felt that this song fits Lelouch in a way. And so I hope that in writing this story, I have somehow managed to convey the deep sadness that inspired me to write this oneshot upon hearing the song.
> 
> Please, if you want to listen to the song, I hope you look for the APH - MMD Russia one because the song suits him (and Prussia) too.
> 
> Update: Lucky for those who have NicoNicoDouga accounts because there exists a counterpart video to Russia's, featuring Prussia in his POV. There also exists an MMD video for this song, featuring Lelouch and Suzaku. I found that little sweet news AFTER I posted this story haha~~

Lelouch vi Britannia was not the crown prince of his kingdom, but he was a prince nonetheless. If ever there was a future better than the one he now contemplates, would he still be the same person as now?

If he had a choice to make his fate, it wouldn’t be this. People would scoff if they hear this thought. They would be so consumed with disbelief because - Hasn’t Lelouch, known as the terrorist Zero, been making the choices all this time? He should not bemoan his current fate because he brought it upon himself.

Lelouch cannot permit himself to show weakness. But if he could be so allowed, he would like to dissolve into tears and scream out into the heavens that no, he did not in fact have control of his own fate. He was made to take the first step, and it all came crashing around him since then.

He doesn’t even have the luxury to put the blame on someone else. He could not even consider using his abilities and have someone else die in his place. Since before he was born, it was already his burden to carry the world’s hatred. If this was what it meant to be a prince, he would rather have been born a powerless, ugly, untalented commoner.

Lelouch sat upon his throne, gaze unseeing as he trapped himself in his own mind. He had been his parents’ pawn since the beginning. Whatever actions he did that resulted with him becoming the emperor, it could be said that he had become his own puppet.

Amethyst eyes darkened, all signs of life disappearing. It was night now. Tomorrow will be his last puppet show, a veritable masterpiece of his own doing. Nunnally had planted a small hope in his heart, which only served to pain it. No matter what she says, it’s too late for him to stop. There was no turning back.

Because for Nunnally, he would bear the world’s hatred. Because someone like him is not needed. For someone like him, to live is to suffer and to bring suffering to the world. No one wants him, not really… Not even his own sister because of how he treated her, how she will be treated tomorrow. In a way he wished for this kind of fate. He never realized it until this moment, how tired he was of living. Now he empathized with CC, who seeks nothing but freedom from her eternal curse.

For all the years he had stayed in this faraway country, he had tried to act the part of a commoner, a normal Britannian citizen. But deep in his heart he knew it was not his real self. Would that he could smile like Suzaku when they first met but he could not.

Tomorrow will be his execution day. And with his death, millions will surely rejoice. And he would carry off all their hatred with him. It was the kind of world he envisioned for Nunnally and Suzaku. But his heart screams at such unfairness.

Footsteps echo upon the cold floor and the doors to the throne room opened. A sliver of light washed in, surrounding the shadowed figure of his executioner. Blank, amethyst eyes tracked his progress. Light and shadow no longer matter for the young emperor who sits in darkness. His eyes can no longer see any color. The world has become achromatic to Lelouch.

“Lelouch.” Suzaku intoned as he stopped right in front of his friend. His enemy. His king. His victim.

Lifeless eyes met with the vibrant green ones that seemingly shine in the dark. “Suzaku,” he acknowledged monotonously.

“You should be asleep.” Such caring words, but there was no sincere feeling behind it. Not like how it used to be.

“...Sleep… Heh… Suzaku, when have your eyes turned grey?” Lelouch asked like a child curious for anything.

Suzaku’s brows furrowed in annoyance and confusion. This man who committed so many crimes, has lost his mind in the remaining time before his eternal sleep. “Your eyes have tired out, it seems. You should sleep.”

Lelouch closed his eyes and leaned back into his throne, the picture of immeasurable fatigue. “I will have plenty of sleep after tomorrow. Your… worry… is baseless. Tomorrow…” he released a humorless laugh, which though Suzaku would not admit to it, began to worry him. “Tomorrow will be a dream. And a new reality that everyone has wished for.”

He threw an empty smile Suzaku’s way. “I’m sure you wished for the same.”

“...Lelouch.”

“If I were to be reborn, I would like to be a nameless person among a crowd of busy people.” And Suzaku could not help but to counter it with a scathing logic.

“Being nameless doesn’t sound like you.”

Lelouch was taken aback and smiled self-deprecatingly. “You’re right. I guess I won’t find a place where I can belong.”

“Lelouch-”

“I… Heh… ‘I’, huh. I have long since lost my self. I have created so many personas that I have lost my true self. Maybe… maybe I never even had it. So the me who is the Evil Emperor, will disappear from this world by tomorrow. Hey Suzaku, do you know? I only live for Nunnally’s smiles. But in order to build a world where she can be free, I could not let her continue to smile for now. Because her smiles have the power to stop me. I could not let her prevent me from going through this requiem.”

Suzaku felt like he should say something but no words could he utter.

“I leave Nunnally’s smiles and her future to you, Suzaku. My life is also in your hands. Do not hesitate, no matter what. Because this is the only path I left for myself.”

A shiver went down the Japanese man’s spine. He wanted to continue hating his traitorous friend but now more than ever, his heart yearns for Lelouch’s smiles. For once upon a time, he used to live for this exiled prince’s smiles. Now here he sits upon a glorified throne, speaking as if he were nothing but a puppet moving to a puppeteer’s tugs. But who is the puppetmaster? Charles whom they killed?

Or… Lelouch himself?

He found himself tilting forward and the next thing he knew, his lips had molded with Lelouch’s. Hands gripped the back of his head, anchoring him for a little while longer before he was abruptly let go.

“I’m tired. Help me to my chambers.” Lelouch demanded as if nothing special had just occurred between them.

“Is that an order?” Blank eyes stared him down, still lifeless, seemingly unseeing. He took it as confirmation. “Yes, my lord.”

Once outside the throne room, he felt Lelouch tug him to a halt. Looking over, he found the raven-haired man looking intently at the vase of roses decorating the hallway.

“What color are these roses?” Lelouch asked and for a second Suzaku thought he was being made a fool of. He had intended to answer sarcastically but then he remembered a slice of their conversation earlier about his green eyes having supposedly turned grey. And so he decided to test that theory.

“It’s red. The roses are red.”

“Red, like blood.. How fitting,” Lelouch said without a trace of a lie, and smiled gently at him.

In truth, the roses were of a new variety, blooming a  beautiful amethyst color. Lelouch had turned color-blind. What was it? Achromatic?

 _No fair, Lelouch,_ he thought as they continued heading towards the Emperor’s royal chambers _. If you smile at me like that…. I don’t know if I can still bear killing you. Don’t give me that smile tomorrow, I beg you. Because we can no longer stop it. Maybe, after my sword sinks into your fragile body… maybe I too, will cease to see colors in this world. My bloodstained hands will turn from bright red, to colorless grey. It would be fitting. Because then I will be unable to see love in other people. And I would be holding you in my heart forever._

_If ever both of us are to be reborn someday, I hope to be the one place where you can belong._

 


End file.
